Summer Shindig
by Hwikek
Summary: The tales of three different summers, brought together for everyone to enjoy.
1. Chapter, the First

"Okay!" said an energetic Tomo, "Today is summer vacation and that means…. Summer Home Inspection! We're going to Yomi's today!"

"Oh no we're not. You're over at my place too often."

"Okay, okay," said Tomo, "Then we're going to Osaka's house today!"

"No," said Osaka, "I'd rather not. I mean that's why I left my house, it's summer vacation you know."

"Okay fine," said Tomo, "Then…. Summer Home Inspection! We're going to Chiyo's today! Yat…I mean, yay!"

"I'm leaving."

"Hey, hey! Where are you going Yomi?"

"I don't want to be seen with you two."

"Oh come on Yomi," said Tomo, "Three makes a rowdy bunch right?"

"Hey Mister," said Osaka, "What does rowdy mean?"

"Gah!" yelled Tomo, "Forget everything I said! That man is old, that man is bald, he might be a pedophile!"

"Oh my god!" said Osaka.

"Just turn away slowly and he might not see you."

"Summer Home Inspection!" Tomo whispered, "We're going to Chiyo's today! Yay!" Mizuhara started to walk off. "Oh come on!" said Tomo, "I was quiet that time!"

"It was still a little too rowdy for my taste."

"Excuse me sir," said Osaka, "What does rowdy mean?"

"Don't!" screamed Tomo, "That man has glasses, his hair looks like it hasn't been combed since the dawn of time, he's wearing a suit! He might also be a pedophile!"

"You're right!" said Osaka, "I should just turn gay to avoid dating a pedophile!"

"That's not what I meant at all," said Tomo, "Just be ridiculously judgmental and keep a forty five in your purse. That'll keep you safe!"

"That only works in the movies," said Osaka, "Hey, where's Yomi goin'?"

"I'm going to buy some cake to take over to Chiyo's house."

"Yay!" said Tomo, "Ice cream cake!"

"Ice cream cake!" said Osaka, "Hooray!"

"Yomi," said Tomo, "This is _not_ ice cream cake."

"Shut up," said Yomi, "Twinkies were all I could afford."

"I thought you were just buyin' a snack," said Osaka.

"Well I wasn't."

"You didn't have to say that," said Tomo, "I mean we all understood that fact on our own."

"Where does Chiyo live again?" asked Yomi.

"She said that she lived in some mansion with a giant yard," said Tomo.

"We could just go back and buy a real cake," said Osaka, "I would pitch in and I'm sure that Tomo would help out too."

"But I used up all of my money to buy these Twinkies."

The three of them walked in a somber line towards Chiyo's house. The hot sun beat down on them from above. A strange humidity filled the summer air, making it even hotter. One of them, Tomo, seemed particularly upset.

"I still can't believe what happened," said Tomo.

"Not this again," said Osaka.

"But it makes me feel so terrible…in my stomach!"

"Tomo," said Yomi, "No cares about how you couldn't buy a cheeseburger."  
"I still can't believe that…I can't have a cheeseburger!"

"No one can, they're out of patties."

"Oh hey we're here," said Osaka.

"Hello," said Chiyo.

"Oh man," said Tomo, "This place is filled with expensive stuff isn't it?"

"Um, I don't think so," said Chiyo.

"What are we going to do this summer anyways?" asked Yomi, handing Chiyo a small package of Twinkies.

"What did you three have in mind? Are we going somewhere?"

"We can't go anywhere," said Tomo.

"Why is that?"

"We don't have any money," Tomo complained.

"I'm sure Chiyo has money," said Osaka.

"Oh yeah," said Tomo, "Why didn't I think of that?"

"Well," said Chiyo, "I _could_ spend money on commoners…or we could go to my summer home for free!"

"Summer home?" screamed Tomo and Yomi.

"Why are we commoners?" asked Osaka, "I thought that was an English thing…."

"Okay," said Tomo, "We're all ready to go off to a summer wonderland right?"

"We didn't pack any clothes," said Yomi.

"None of us asked our parents if we could come," said Osaka.

"I did," said Chiyo, "That was when my father gave me the key to the family summer home."

"Okay," said Tomo, "Who invited Sakaki?"

"I did," said Yomi, "It will help to keep me away from you."

"Wait," said Sakaki, "That's the only reason I was invited on this trip?"

"No," said Yomi, "I'm just kidding."

"Fine," said Tomo, "But who invited these guys, why are these guys here?"

"Don't call us these guys!" said Yukari.

"I asked if they could take us over there," said Chiyo.

"Yep," Yukari smiled, "We're here to give you guys car rides. Sounds like Miss Takino is going to walk there."

"Uh…. Hooray! Car trip! We're going on a car trip!"

"Okay," said Minamo, "I'll take three people, and Yukari will take two people."  
"Excuse me," said Chiyo, "But Yukari's car looks roomier than yours so why is she the one taking less of us?"

"How is her car roomier than mine?" asked Minamo, "I mean, one's an SUV and the other looks like a Civic who was attacked by a herd of baseball bats."

"But my car, I mean, my parents' car is more expensive," said Yukari.

"That's only because of all the dents you've had to remove from it," said Minamo, "Besides, the fewer fatalities the better right?"

"Huh?"

"Yukari has a knack for reckless endangerment."

"Gah!" screamed the girls, "Rock, paper—"

"Maybe we can fit everyone into my car," said Minamo.

"Yay," said Tomo, "We're here."

"Let's go swimming!" said Osaka.

"Sounds good to me!"

"Miss Sakaki?"

"Yeah Chiyo?"

"How do you get to be big like that?"

"Hwha?"

_Oh come on_, thought Minamo, _what's with all the one pieces? I have big bucks riding on a photo opportunity!_

"Ah," said Osaka, "Don't you just hate getting sand in your shoes Miss Sakaki?"

"Um, yes."

"And is that why you're standing over there in your street clothes on the lawn?"

"No," said Sakaki.

_Argh!_ Minamo was becoming infuriated with her students at this point. _Can't they do anything worth photographing? If I don't get pictures to my clients…someone who's probably a criminal will!_

"Then why are you standing there?" asked Osaka.

"I had a traumatic experience on this beach," said Sakaki.

"When?"

"Five seconds ago."

"Well," said Yomi as she sat down on the couch, "What are we going to do now?"

"It's just not a summer vacation without horror stories," said Osaka.

"Do you know any?" asked Tomo.

"No I don't," said Osaka.

"Then summer nights are the time for dirty stories!" Tomo screeched, "Miss Yukari, tell us!"

Sakaki gently leaned towards Yukari, unnoticed by the rest of her friends.

"Now, now," said Yukari, "How irresponsible do you think I am?"

"Oh!" said Tomo. Sakaki slumped back into her seat. "Well then Miss Kurosawa, why don't you tell us something profane!" Sakaki gently leaned towards Minamo, unnoticed by the rest of her friends.

"Oh please," said Yukari, "If I'm not going to say something, there's no way goody two shoes over here is going to say anything. I mean I think that she's still a virgin."

As Minamo's fists started to ball up in anger Sakaki slumped back into her chair.

"When you have so many people in place," said Osaka, "You get murders and stuff. That's what happens, in a drama."

"But we're a comedy…."

"Victim number one would be Tomo." The "Wildcat" gulped. "Then," said Osaka, "One by one, y'all get killed. So you see…."

"Wait a minute," said Tomo, "You've told this story before."

"No she hasn't," said Yomi.

"Yes she did," said Yukari, "She even wrote a paper on it which she presented to the class. You need to pay more attention Miss Mizuhara."

"Let's just go blow something up," said Tomo.

"Yeah!" said everyone, except for Nyamo, the wet blanket.

"That was a great summer vacation," Tomo said to Kaorin, "Just look at these pictures."

"Okay," said Kaorin, "I couldn't go with you guys because I had astronomy…. What is this? You're saying that Sakaki went with you too?"

"Yep."

"Well then why the heck didn't I go?"

"But…I thought that you just said that…."

"NO!"

"Oh," said Tomo, "I don't know why that's in there. I mean, we didn't even sleep in the same room."

"What's this?" asked Kaorin.

"The Yukari mobile!" said Tomo.

"Oh," said Kaorin, "But who took these pictures?"

"Uh, I think Miss Kurosawa took one of them but…."

"So," said Kurosawa, "That'll be 40,000 yen."

"Um, that's a little pricey isn't it?"

"Hey," said Nyamo, "You get what you pay for."

"There are only twelve pictures."

"Yep."

"I'm going back to teach my class," said Kimura.

"Okay," said Minamo, "More for me."


	2. Chapter, the Second

"You're going to your summer home again this year?"

"Yes," said Chiyo, "And I'm inviting everyone else to go too."

"Really?" asked Osaka, "Even the mean people?"

"…Who?"

"Are you sure it's not whom—" At that point Chiyo hung up on Osaka, but the spacey girl mistook it for a bad connection.

"You're going to your summer home again this year?" yelled Tomo, "You're showing off aren't you? Well I'm not going to let you damn it! Take me with you!"

"Okay."

"Hurray!" said Tomo, who then instantly hung up.

Chiyo was a bit confused when the phone suddenly rang.

"Hey!"

"Miss Yukari?" (Shouldn't it be Miss Tanazaki? I mean Yukari is a first name after all….)

"We're all getting together at your place right?" asked the language teacher (dubs…FOREVER!).

"Wha?"

"Nine thirty sharp, don't be late!" And with that the teacher hung up.

"Ho-how can I be late to my own house?"

"Hey Chiyo," said Osaka, "Where are you goin'?"

"Shopping for our trip to my summer home."

"Why aren't you wearing a helmet?" asked Osaka.

"I don't need a helmet," said Chiyo.

"You should always wear a helmet when you're riding a bicycle," said Osaka, "Maybe we can pick one up at the mall."

"Okay…. How are you going to get there?"

"I was thinking of walking," said Osaka, "That way I can get some much needed exercise."

"Hey you two!" said Tomo, "You out shopping?"

"Yep," they said, "Is that why you're here?"

"Yeah!" said Tomo, "I'm here to get a new swimsuit."

"But why?" asked Osaka, "Last time we were there it was totally guy free."

Yet Tomo ignored Osaka and continued to talk about the swimsuit she wanted to buy. Then Chiyo and Osaka were in an ele…or was it an escalator? Never mind.

"I didn't get lost this time!" said Osaka.

"I'm so glad?" Chiyo was fairly surprised by that statement. She wasn't quite sure about it. Then some other guests arrived as well.

"Wow Kagura you've gone totally tan!" said Osaka.

"Yeah, it's because I'm on the swim team."

"Why do you sound like Sarah from One Life Remaining?" Tomo asked Kagura.

"One…what?"

"That tan makes you look like someone who plays it real loose," said Osaka, "Like some kind of play girl."

"Oh sure," said Kagura, "Because I have a tan and muscles I look like a play girl…. I don't really look like that do I?"

"Yeah," said Chiyo, "I mean you look just like these people who played out in the sun all the time."

"No," said Osaka, "A play girl _is not_ the same as someone who is a girl that plays outside."

"Then what is it like?" asked Chiyo.

"What am I, a dictionary?"

"Oh hey," said Yukari, "Someone rented a van that can fit everybody."

"Yes," said Chiyo, "When I told my father to 'rent me a big van please?' he quickly grabbed one, made in Germany."

"Why Germany?" asked Yukari.

"It's hard to beat Mercedes Benz when it comes to cars."

"Hey Yukari," said Minamo, "Why is your suitcase filled with beer?"

"Don't you touch that!" yelled the language teacher, "It's all mine!"

"Nice," said Yomi as Yukari ran off, "We've stopped the Yukari mobile."

"What's all this 'we' talk?" asked Kagura, "Chiyo was the one who did all the work."

"I can't take all of the credit," said Chiyo, "It was a German factory that made the car, and my dad was the one who purchased it with cash. Though I did ask him to do it."

"What's the Yukari mobile anyways?"

"A torture device," said Chiyo, shivering. "One that has been used by both the CIA and Al-Queda."

"No it hasn't," said Kagura.

"Yeah," said Chiyo, "You're probably right."

"Wahaha," Kaorin sobbed, "If there wasn't this stupid camp, I could be at the beach with Miss Sakaki right now!"

"But I'm here!" said Kimura.

"Why on Earth are you here?"

"I'm helping the Astronomy Camp this week," said Kimura, "You'll get to spend summer vacation with me."

"Okay!" said Yukari, "I'll be driving the car!"

"Oh no you're not!" said Nyamo, "I want to get there and back alive! And besides, you've already had two beers!"

"I might have had a couple of drinks but I'm okay to drive!"

"I'll believe that the same day hell freezes over," said Minamo, "You're not even fit to drive when you're sober!"

Eye catch appears with annoying tune.

"I'll open the door now," said Chiyo, "If I were to lose this key we wouldn't be able to get inside."

That was when Tomo grabbed the key out of Chiyo's hand, and threw it. Everyone was stunned. Yet oddly enough it seemed that Tomo was the one most upset.

"I did it…."

"But what the hell for?"

"Gah!" screamed Kagura as she smashed her fist into Tomo's face. The "Wildcat" then crashed through one of the floor to ceiling windows. Kagura analyzed the situation.

"Hey," she said, "Now we can get inside!"

"Uh, I have an extra key…."

"She still deserved it," said Yomi.

"Tomo," said Osaka, "That _is not_ a super sexy bikini. It's a _camo_ bikini."

"All bikinis are sexy," said Tomo, "Right Yomi?"

"No," said Mizuhara, "You look like one of those stereotypes Americans use."

"You mean U.S. citizens," said a man from Oregon, "Show some respect."

"Oh shut up," said Yomi, "You're shorter than I am, that makes me better than you."

"Just because I'm Asian?" asked the man.

"You're both wrong," said Kagura, "I mean look at you two, you're total turn offs."

"Okay," said Yomi, "I'm going to get drinks. What do you want?"

"Cola please," said Chiyo.

"Beer please."

"Don't ask for that," said Minamo.

"I want orange juice," said Osaka.

"I'll take a piña colada," said Minamo.

"Me too," said Sakaki.

"Why does she get alcohol?" Yukari asked Minamo as Yomi walked away.

"Oh please," said Minamo, "It's not like I'm really gonna let her drink any of it."

"Yomi can't even buy booze," said Yukari.

"I know," said Minamo, "And that will keep me from drinking."

"Sorry you guys," said Yomi as she came back, "All they had was orange juice. But there was plenty of beer in the fridge so I brought a couple of those."

"Yomi," said Minamo, "Go put those back!"

"But the sand hurts my feet!"

"Then put on flip-flops or something," said Minamo, "I thought you were the smart one."

"Okay," said Yomi. "Yeah right," she said out of earshot, "Like I would really carry beer all this way not to drink it."

"Hey…!" The sunbathers heard a faint voice, coming from across the sea. "Are there sharks in these waters?"

"OH NO!" said Minamo, the fairly responsible chaperone. "OSAKA'S LOST AT SEA!"

"I'll just swim back," said Osaka.

"You see Nyamo?" said Yukari, "You overreacted to the situation once a—"

"Gah! What's that black fin?"

"Oh man," said Osaka, back on the beach, "I can't believe that Miss Kurosawa swam out to me, killed the shark with one hand, and saved a baby whale at the same time."

"It was pretty incredible," said Yomi.

"That's a PE teacher for ya," said Tomo.

"I'm still better than her," said Yukari as Minamo was interviewed by the local media. "Oh who am I kidding?"

"Yeah!" said Tomo, "Night time is the right time to party! We'll drink, and we'll sing."  
"You're not allowed to drink," said Minamo.

"And we can't sing very well either."

"Some of us can sing."

"But collectively our singing talent is about zero."

"Don't bring big words into this," said Tomo.

"I'm not even using big words," said Kagura, "You're just an idiot."

"So you wanna go?" Tomo screamed, "Because that's what I'm hearing!"

"Fine! Hit me! Do it right now if you have the balls!"

"Oh I will!"

"Then hit me in the face if you dare!"

"Fine!"

SWISH

CLANG

"I did it!" said Osaka.

"What did you do that for?" asked Minamo.

"Well she asked for someone to hit her in the face," said Osaka, "So I figured that I'd smack her with this frying pan."

"Oh man," said Kagura, rising up off of the floor. "I didn't think she could get me from behind." The athlete staggered to her feet like a drunk, before Tomo punched her in the face. She fell to the floor with a thud.

"Alright!" said Tomo, "I've still got it!"

"What are you talking about?" asked Osaka, "I was the one who did all of the hard work!"

"One of you is going to jail," said Minamo.

"But why?"

"Because she's dead."

"She's not dead…is she?"

"I sure hope not," said Minamo, "Because if she is I'm gonna have to kill somebody. Why did you punch her in the face? She might have had a concussion!"

"Well how was I s'posed to know?" asked Tomo, "I'm not a doctor!"

"It's common sense!" yelled Minamo, "Now one of you needs to call for an ambulance!"

"I'll be fine," said Kagura, "This isn't as bad as the time I was in a horrific car accident (shoutout to Taotk's _Time of Dying_)."

"We should at least get you an ice pack," said Minamo, "And a lawyer."

"No no," said Kagura, "It's my fault for not dodging the frying pan."

"Hey," said Sakaki, "Is she alright, in the head?"

"She's probably lost some of her grey matter," said Minamo, "But to be honest there wasn't much there to begin with. If you ask me she's become dumb as hell."

"Okay," said Chiyo, "Is everyone ready to go to the summer festival?"

"I think I'll stay here," said Kagura, "If you don't mind."

"Oh yeah!" said Tomo, "Goldfish time! I'll catch 'em all, and release 'em to the sea."

"You're an idiot aren't you?" asked Sakaki.

"Now, now girls," said Minamo as Sakaki and Tomo put up their dukes, "It's time to put on your summer kimonos."

"How do we put this on Miss Kurosawa?"

"Uh…."

"You're useless Nyamo," said Yukari.

"Yeah," said Tomo, "I mean Yukari whatever, but I thought Nyamo could hack it."

"I would kill someone," said Kurosawa, "In front of their own mother to get rid of that nickname."

"I have a headache," said Kagura.

"I'll take you to the hospital," said Miss Kurosawa.

"It's quite unlike Miss Kurosawa who's quite good at putting neckties on people."

"Wha?"

"Yep," said Yukari, "Back when Minamo was all lovey dovey, she practiced on me everyday."

"Why didn't she just buy, like a hunk of foam or something?"

"But all of that practicing was never put to good use," said Yukari, "So she moved on to a new ambition, well the same one really, to finally get—"

"Shut up!" screamed Nyamo, "Shut up! You don't know that!"

"You should know that it's over after twenty five."

"You're just as old as me!"

"But my standards are lower! Which means that I've actually been pene—"

At that moment Kagura threw up, before falling onto her face.

"So when you got your summer kimono," said Tomo, "Did you do that thing where you pull the sash and twirl around?"

"No."

"But that's what I did when I got my summer kimono."

"What sort of family—"

"There you are!" said Minamo, "Do you _want_ to die from blunt trauma to the head? Because if we don't get to a medical facility soon that might just happen!"

"Oh it's turtle scooping!"

"They're cute aren't they?" asked Chiyo.

"Three hundred yen a pop," said the man running the booth.

"What should we do?"

"…Well when you think about it rationally you don't really need turtles," said Osaka.

_Oh no! People have finally realized how unimportant my booth is! No one will ever like me!_

"Oh wow," said Kagura, "You missed the last two hundred shots!"

"Don't you have something better to do?" asked Sakaki.

"How can you miss it anyways?" asked Kagura, "I thought Americans were good with guns."

"It's not a gun," said Sakaki, "And it's really poorly made, she needs to buy an Anschutz."

"Quit making excuses and just hit that Neco Coneco already," said Kagura, "We've been here an hour."

"How did you ditch Minamo anyways?"

"Yukari stole her money."

"I missed again!"

"You're aiming too high!"

"I missed again!"

"You're aiming too low!"

"Can I just buy the Neco Coneco from you?" Sakaki asked the woman running the booth.

"Here," said Kagura, "_I'll _do it."

"No way," said Sakaki, "If I can't do it, then there's no way you can do it."

"Don't start this again."

"Oh I will," said Sakaki, "Don't think that I won't."

"Just hit the stupid toy already!"

"Stop breaking my concentration!"

"You didn't do any better when I let you concentrate."

"Look," said the woman in charge of the booth, "I'll give you the toy, if you promise that the two of you will go away, and never come back."

"Hell yeah!" said Sakaki as she high fived Kagura, "That worked out great!"

"Hey, is it just me or is the world spinning?" asked Kagura.

"Maybe we should get you to a hospital."

"Okay you guys," said Minamo, after Kagura had been taken to a hospital, "It's almost time for bed."

"But it's seven…."

"I don't want to hear it," said Minamo, "As the health and fitness Czar I won't risk someone getting sick."

"Besides," said Yomi, "I read somewhere that by going to sleep early you get more done in the morning."

"Oh man," said Kagura, "These pills the doctors gave me, they taste terrible."

"Oh!" said Tomo, "Look at Chiyo, she's falling asleep, at seven at night! We have to haze her!"

"No!"

"Why not?"

"Because hazing is morally wrong," said Minamo.

"Then let's have a toast!"

"You're not allowed to have that!" said Yukari, "Honestly Tomo, where the heck did you get this?"  
"Are you serious?" asked Minamo, "The fridge is filled with it! And it's all your fault!"

"I'll just put it back in the fridge." _Stupid Tomo_, thought Yukari, _you don't drink a beer while it's still warm. That's disgusting!_

"Why is there sake in your suitcase?" asked Yomi.

"And now it's mine," said Minamo. The young teacher looked at the bottle in her hands. _I could pour all of this down the sink…or I could get totally ripped... Decisions decisions._

"Glug, glug." At this point Nyamo had stopped using the glass and was simply drinking right out of the bottle.

"This seems like fun," said Tomo.

"It smells like a public restroom," said Kagura.

"Don't make me beat you up in front of your friends!" yelled Nyamo, "I can totally take on anybody!" She then chugged down half of the bottle.

"Damn," said Sakaki, "She's almost finished that whole thing off."

"You! Tall dark and handsome! Buy me another drink or I will seriously kill you!"

"Wha?" said Sakaki.

"I want more booze and I want it now!"

"Uh…Coach?"

"Do you want a knife fight bitch?" asked Nyamo, "Because I'll carve you up like a Christmas goose if you're in the way of me and my alcohol."

"Hey Miss Kurosawa," said Tomo, "Are adult relationships really as pervy as they say?"

"They're not pervy," said Minamo, "But bring me another beer and I'll tell you all about it."

"Okay."

"Haven't you had enough Nyamo?"

"How many times do I have to tell you to become a guy?" asked a drunken Kurosawa.

"I don't care how many times you ask me, it's not going to happen."

"Fine," said Nyamo, "Then I guess you're not getting laid tonight." She then gulped down what remained inside of her bottle. Tomo put a beer into her hands.

"Oh thanks," said the gym teacher, "So you know what genitals are right?"

"Yeah…."

"Well this one time, I was at this concert, and I totally copped a feel off of this passed out broad. And another time, when I was totally shithammered, I banged this guy in the ass."

"What?"

"And that went on for like five hours," said Minamo, "I'm not gay er nuthin' but I just wanted to do it."

"Don't listen to what she's saying," said Yukari, "It was a Honda."

"It was Kimura!"

"Hwha?"

"…And that's why guys can't get pregnant," said Nyamo.

"But we already know that," said Kagura, "And you _do not_ have a billion girlfriends and a huge dong."

"Do you wanna die?" asked Minamo, "Because I'll seriously cut you up right now if that's what you want!"

"Where's Sakaki?" asked Kagura, "If Coach attacks me in a drunken stupor I want some back up!"

"She went to bed," said Yukari, "Pay more attention."

"You know, she was interested in hearing about this last time, but not this time?"

"I know," said Nyamo, "So how many of you want to sleep with me?"

"What?"

"Oh come on," said Nyamo, "What are you gay?"

"But you're a woman."

"I know what I am," said Nyamo.

"And we're teenage girls!"

"Yeah, yeah," said Nyamo, "Who are you trying to fool?"

"How drunk are you?" asked Tomo.

"Check this out." Minamo slammed a full can of beer against her head, leaving a bloody ring and liquid. "That's how drunk I am!"

"F— it," said Kagura, "I'm out of here."

"I don't feel so good," said Nyamo, "If anyone needs me, I'll be in the kitchen sink."

"Okay," said Yukari, "It's time for bed everybody."

"Oh thank God," said Tomo, "I don't think I can stand her useless information about sex for another minute!"  
In the morning they found Nyamo, drinking a glass of orange juice, and vowing to never drink again.

"Aw who am I kidding?"


	3. Summer's End

"Oh wow, you're totally tan!"

"Okay."

"When you're so tanned through and through like that, it's hard to tell just how tan you are."

"Oh in that case…."

What happened next was somewhat strange. I mean seriously, what in the heck? But what was most surprising, was the fact that Yomi just stared at what was going on. She simply had her hands on her chin and stared with a strange intent.

"You know, with that," said Osaka, "You could go to the pool wearin' nothin' and no one would even notice that somethin' was missin'."

"Uh…."

And while some secretly hoped it might happen, cough _Minamo_, hack hack. We all knew in our hearts that nothing would ever come of it. But why Yomi stared at the situation may never be known….

"It's hot, it's summer."

"Summer means…."

"Starting tomorrow," said Yukari, "It's happy summer break."

Everyone cheered. Their plans were indescribably complex. Several people were going to…New Zealand? What ever happened to Hawaii?

"…And in keeping with our summer custom…!"

"What is it?" asked Chiyo.

"We're all going to your place!"

"Okay, but won't everyone be studying for entrance exams?"

"No," said Tomo, "Studying's for nerds and Yomis."

"What was that?"

"What are you going to do then Tomo?"

"Well Chiyo," said "the Wildcat", "I'm going to be a police officer, so why in the heck do I need to study?"

"Hells yeah!" said Kagura, "I'm becoming a Navy SEAL!"

"Huh?" asked Sakaki.

"But why?" asked Chiyo.

"Job security," said Kagura, "What other career can be assured a constant need?"

"We're here!"

"Hey you guys!" said Chiyo.

"Why are those three always together?" Mizuhara asked Sakaki.

"They are friends."

"But seriously, at least two of them are always right next to each other."

"Well I don't know," said Sakaki, "Why don't you ask them?"

"Hey idiots!"

"Okay," said Kagura, "Which one of you dumb mo' f—ahs just called me and idiot?"

"Kwha?"

"So it was you, eh Yomi?"

"Uh, uh, uh…."

"Someone is gonna learn the value of being polite," the sport crazed girl gave an evil smile, "When I swirlie her to oblivion."

"Joining us for the first time…it's Kaorin!"

"I came with you last year…."

"Oh yeah, that was the first year you went with us!"

"She didn't go with us last year," said Sakaki.

"I know," said Kaorin, "But Tomo's so stupid she believed me."

"I thought Kaorin was super nervous around Sakaki," said Tomo.

"Indeed she is," said Sakaki and Kagura.

"But she's acting as if Sakaki isn't here," said Chiyo.

"You're right," said a wet haired Yomi, "I can't believe that it only took five seconds to have my face completely soaked!"

_I wish Kagura would make my face sopping wet_, thought Sakaki. "It's just not fair!" the raven haired girl screamed.

"What's not fair Miss Sakaki?" asked Kaorin.

"Oh it's nothing," she lied.

"If you say so." _I can't believe that I get to go to the beach with Miss Sakaki! This will be awesome, unless of course something terrible happens!_ But fortunately for Kaorin the author is simply too wimpy to make something bad happen in a comedy. Then again she _does_ have to ride with Yukari, go figure.

"There are nine of us," said Minamo.

"Nine?" said Tomo, "But there's: me, Chiyo, Sakaki, Yomi, Kaorin, Osaka, you, Yukari, and all of our stuff."

"What about me?" asked Kagura.

"The hell we'd bring you," said Tomo, "Last year we had to drag your ass to the hospital because you weren't Jackie Chan!"

"She got me from behind!" screamed Kagura, "With a frying pan! And is should be 'Like hell we'd bring you' anyways!"

"Oh shut your face," said Tomo, "I have to ride with Yukari with Kaorin."

"The hell you say!" Kaorin shook Tomo's shoulders, "Why the f—, well why the f— would I ride in the same car as you?"

"I'll go with Tomo," said Sakaki, nobly sacrificing her own sanity for the good of the group.

"Aw crap," Kaorin said to herself, "Now _I_ have to go too."

"Alright!" screamed Tomo, "Let's get this show on the road!"

"What the hell?" screamed Yukari? Yeah, definitely Yukari. "Why is the car going in circles?"

"It's in reverse," said Tomo.

"But…why is it going in circles?"

"It's in reverse."

"Okay," said Yukari, "_You_ are no longer allowed to give advice to people."

Minamo looked in her rearview mirror as something ominous approached.

"Oh damn it," said Kurosawa, "How can that bucket of bolts keep up with me? That's the eighth transmission she's had to buy!"

A flash of light caught the gym teacher's eye. _Oh crap._

"Kagura!" yelled Nyamo, "Grab Chiyo!"

"What?"

"Just do it now, point her towards the back!"

"Like this?" asked the girl.

"Okay," Kurosawa kept her eyes on the road. "Now Chiyo, you need to lift up the RPG launcher in the back, and use it to shoot down that helicopter!"

"What?" screamed the small girl, "Why?"

"That helicopter is being controlled by the Ultranationalists," said Minamo, "They'll blast us off of the road if they get the chance!"

"You can't hit a helicopter with an RPG," said Yomi.

"Tell that to Somalia, now do it!"

"But it's a Eurocopter," said Yomi, "And there's no such thing as the Ultranatio—"

"That's a Hind," said Minamo, "Kagura, take the wheel!"

"I don't know how to drive!"

"Oh come on," said Kurosawa, "What kind of teenager doesn't know how to drive? It's so simple, there's a wheel, and a couple of pedals!" The helicopter was now directly overhead, which is technically a terrible place for hitting your target in a helicopter. "There's no time!" yelled Kurosawa as she leaped into the back.

"What the hell are you doing?" asked Yomi.

"Taking care of some old business." The RPG flew true…somehow. The Hind's rotor exploded into a rain of shrapnel.

"Curse you Kurosawa!" yelled Vladamir Makarov as his helicopter plummeted into the sea.

"Wait a minute," said Kagura, "Can't he just swim to shore, and wasn't he going to be in Modern Warfare 3?"

"Hell no," said Kurosawa, "That's what sharks are for."

Yukari tried to use this distraction to pull ahead of Nyamo. She swerved into the left hand lane, since it was free of oncoming traffic. Kurosawa saw Yukari sneaking up in her side mirror. This was an offense Kurosawa simply couldn't stand.

"Yomi, grab the rocket launcher."

"I thought it was an RPG—"

"It's a rocket launcher now!" screamed Kurosawa.

"Well we're out of rockets anyways," said glasses.

"I'll just have to do this the old fashioned way," said Kurosawa as she opened up her glove compartment. Taking her hands off the wheel she pulled back on the slide of the Glock 22.

BAM BAM

"What the crap?"

"Relax," said Nyamo, "I only shot out her tires." And while everyone else quietly peed their pants, the Yukari mobile came to a stop.

"Damn it," said Yukari, "She always cheats."

"I told you we should have used the M203."

"Shut up Tomo," said Yukari, "The goal is to get there first, not kill them."

"Okay," said Tomo, "Now it's time to go swimming!"

"But I thought this was a study camp," said Chiyo.

"I lied, the second time at least."

"You should really be studying," said the teachers, and Yomi.

"But…."

"No buts," said Kurosawa.

"Oh fine," said Tomo.

"Or we could study tonight," said Kagura.

"Hell yeah you dirty white boy!" said Minamo as they did the classic football (American) chest bump (which sounds pretty hot!). _I'm so glad that I'm the swim coach_, thought Kurosawa, _because I get to see so many hot girls…curse you one pieces!_

"This is fun," said Yomi as they played on the beach, "But shouldn't we be studying?"

"I'm not going to study," said Kagura, "I'm gonna get myself a scholarship to do sports in the USA, I hear that works out well."

"I thought you were going to be a Navy SEAL," said Sakaki.

"I changed my mind when I realized that I might get shot," said Kagura, "I'm too pretty to die!"

"Yes you are," Sakaki and Minamo said quietly, gazing creepily at Kagura, who was still wearing a tee shirt.

"Yeah that's right," said Yukari, "Because even if you and Miss Takino did study you wouldn't be ready in time for the entrance exams."

"But…how can you say that?" asked Tomo.

"Don't tell me you didn't think it yourselves," said Yukari, "Why else would you want to be in careers that don't require going to college?"

"Yukari," said Kurosawa shaking her head, "You're supposed to encourage students to try their best."

"Pfff," said Yukari, "I don't get paid enough to do that."

"Oh man," said Kagura, "What am I supposed to do here?"

"If you have a question don't hesitate to ask Nyamo," said Yukari.

"Classic, total classic, oh no!" said Tomo as she fell over.

"Are you okay?" asked Nyamo.

"Yes I am," said Tomo, "I just fell on my butt is all."

"Coach?"

"Math?" said Minamo, "But…I don't know how to do this. I mean I did in high school but now I'm a P.E. teacher and…um."

"You see girls? This is an excellent example of how decreasing the usage of certain skill sets makes one unable to—"

"You can't just use synonyms to make yourself sound smart!" said Kurosawa.

"The hell I can't," said Yukari.

"_We now return, to Jack Hog._"

"_But dad, you can't go. You can't leave me._"

"_I've got to champ. After the car accident, due to some strange twist of fate, my soul inhabited this car. What would your friends think of me? Your future wife?_"

"_My wife? Eww dad!_"

"_Heh, heh, heh! It's only a matter of time before you'll be interested in girls son._"

"_Heh. I'll miss you._"

"_I love you son._"

"_I-I love you too dad._"

"_Daddy's got to go now son. I've got to go, to space!_"

"_Wawawawawawawa..._" The car slowly rose into the air.

"_Goodbye son! Remember to brush your teeth, and wash behind your ears._" The car began to spin around. "_Whoa, oh, whoa!_" The car disappeared in a flash of bright light.

"_I guess there really is such thing as miracles._" The ending credits played.

"That movie…was only one minute and nine seconds long," said Osaka, "And yet it was so beautiful."

"Indeed," said Sakaki, "You really felt that the father's soul had been fused with the car. The final lines really helped to establish the bond between the father and his son." The raven haired girl shed a tear.

"Wait," said Kaorin, "Did we see the same video? Because that shit was blazin'! I laughed so hard that I almost peed my pants."

"That was hilarious," said Kagura, "I mean, a machinima with a car rising into mid air during forge? For such a stupid concept it was wonderfully executed and gave us all a good laugh."

"It was a little more meaningful than that," said Sakaki.

"No it wasn't," said Kagura, "I mean it's a part of _DigitalPh33r's Guide to Halo3 Machinima Pt.6_. How much meaning could it have?"

"How do you know all these things Kagura?"

"Tomo it says where the clip came from in the YouTube description."

"Oh yeah," said the idiot, "How did I miss that?"

In the early morning hours, one Osakan dared to dream. She rose up, from them linen sheets. Crossed da hallway in bare feet. Snatch up some'in' her hands. To Yukari's room she ran. An' in duh urly mornin' hours. Brawt down despair full powah! 'Cause she basht toget-uh two fryin' pans! The noise frum witch woke 'p Abe Lincoln man!

As this went on Minamo noticed that for some reason Chiyo was doing radio exercises.

"I don't know if she's a kid or an old man," the gym teacher commented. But she decided to be nice and gave Chiyo a stamp for every day the little girl did the exercise routine. Then Sakaki noticed the stamps and was all wantin' so she went an' did it too. Kaorin then tried to take creepy pictures of Sakaki doing warm ups as she had learned to do under Kimura's tutelage. Unfortunately she tried to do the badass jump to the side and shoot off a couple rolls of film. While the high quality Nikon was certainly up to the challenge, Kaorin had jumped just a little too far. The astronomy fan learned the hard way that what happens on TV, _stays_ on TV.

"Okay," said Minamo after the trip to the hospital, "Summer beach house visits, are now officially banned, forever."


End file.
